


Nocturnal Admissions

by Avacyn_L



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Headcanon, Post-Season/Series 02, Pre-Season/Series 03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 10:31:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15141197
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Avacyn_L/pseuds/Avacyn_L
Summary: In his eyes she was searching for a reason to stay.Set post 2x22, during the night before Alice's departure to the farm.





	Nocturnal Admissions

The very much expected -and discussed- opening night of the Lavish Serpent speakeasy was finally taking place at the heart of Riverdale. Almost every resident of the small town made sure to pass by for a drink or two, mostly to check out Veronica Lodge's first attempt at business. Sure, not all of them approved a 16-year-old girl running a cabaret but she proved that she'd inherited her father's determination and professionalism, merging the people's thrust for entertainment and joy with a new age glamorous aesthetic, a fresh air to the haunted town of endless bloodshed.

And, indeed, she was right. A couple of hours post midnight and the bar was still full of patrons, mostly young Bulldogs and Serpents who watched the well-performed burlesque show with great enthusiasm, sipping their non-alcoholic beverages -not even a Lodge could bypass this law- as their talented classmate Josie McCoy was beginning her dream solo career on that stage.

And they still had a long night ahead of them.

The overpowering feeling of anxiety and fatigue made FP crave a cigarette. Smoking was one of the bad habits he still couldn't quit and one of the few things that provided him some sort of relief, some kind of refuge. He gestured at Toni and Cheryl who were bartending with him to keep an eye on the customers and took his much needed break, knowing that he would have to go back to work eventually, no matter how tired and sleepless he was.

For he was the manager now. He couldn't abandon his post, a post offered to him so generously by the Lodge girl. Of course he was well aware that she was trying to atone for the sins of her father but still, it was a responsible, profitable job that kept him in line, almost saving him from slipping back to his old, alcoholic self. For the past month he was working overtime, relentlessly trying to restore the old bar, to make it the new hot spot for the remaining Serpents and Northsiders alike.

Maybe a common place to relax and enjoy themselves would really bring them closer, beyond the city's borders. Survive in harmony, strong and united against the enemy.

He was glad that Veronica shared that vision too and knew his role as a former gang leader. She trusted him to take over the speakeasy and, apart for the design and decorations, as well as everything paperwork related, she let him run the place as he wished. His raven-haired boss didn't have the time, nor the courage to go through the management of the bar right now. Her heart was behind jail bars and the fact that she lived in the same house with the man responsible for that made FP feel sorry for the girl.

He promised her to make it work. After all, he wouldn't do this for her only, to repay the favor, but for his son and the Serpents and himself too.

And with a little help from the ever experienced Hog Eye, Jughead, Toni and, surprisingly, Cheryl Blossom, he transformed the old basement into an exquisite "cabaret space for world-class entertainment". The luxurious elements were prominent in the rich tapestries and mahogany furniture, the dancers' sparkling dresses and crystal mirrors but the five Serpents brought the Southside flair to it, pool tables and neon snake lights reflecting the former glory of the gang. And the tank in the very center of the bar nesting the -non-poisonous rattlesnake- invited new challenges and initiations along with the silver pole on the stage. FP could already picture the Lavish Serpent full of leather jackets blended with blue and yellow varsity ones.

His life was finally back on track. Jughead had fully recovered and was the new, trusted king of the gang, he found a job, he quit drinking and his wife and daughter would return to Riverdale in a couple of days, ready to make a new start. And, apart from the constant threat of Hiram Lodge plotting his new schemes against the town, everything seemed to be, for once, in order.

Well, except for a dark stain from his past. A stain that, no matter how hard he tried to remove from his soul, he always failed. FP had decided to just ignore it, yet his mind just couldn't comply to his wish and every now and then found a way to return to that aching memory, those deceitful eyes that had been tormenting him for 25 years...

Ever since she told him the truth about their lost child he hadn't stopped thinking about her. And him. His life, her life might have been different. They might have ended up together, a family. Sure, he loved his son and daughter more than anything but still, the scenario of what could have happened if she had told him about their baby back then kept replaying in his mind again and again...

FP took one long, last drag from his cigarette and quickly stubbed it in the ashtray, ready to go back to work when suddenly, sharp whispers and murmurs were heard over Josie's melodic song. Toni winked at him and FP turned at the entrance to see what all this fuss was about, and brown met blue as his old flame, of all people, walked graciously into the bar. Her high-heel sandals clapped on the polished hardwood floor as she took a look at her surroundings, smirking with satisfaction at the sight and purposely ignoring people's curious, surprised stares who obviously thought that she would spend the rest of her life crying over Hal. She honestly couldn't care less about them. 

The only person in the speakeasy she cared about -and the one she came to visit- was standing behind the bar with his eyes fixed on her.

"Good job, FP...", she remarked as she strode towards him, making his heart flutter. "An upgraded version of the Whyte Wyrm, never had it in you to be so classy..."

FP shrugged his shoulders, trying to fake indifference. "It was Veronica who decorated the place. I just gave her some ideas."

"Well, the vibe is still evident". The Serpent vibe, he figured, the feeling she wanted to see. She was always a chameleon, blending herself with everything around her. And today she was in Southside mood, with intentions dark as her make up...

At least that was what her tight snake print black dress and the faux-golden snake necklace -a long forgotten favorite accessory of hers in her teens- seemed to betray. A predatory cobra dressed for the occasion. 

For him, in particular.

The image of her in his trailer a couple of months ago wearing similar themed attire invaded his thoughts and FP realized that his stare lingered on her a bit more than he'd like.

He cleared his throat, attempting to ease the tension. "What do you want, Alice?"

She was taken aback by his unusually hoarse, raspy voice but didn't show it, putting on a dashing smile as she leaned closer to him on the bar. "A drink. Tequila, straight-"

"I remember", he abruptly cut her off and poured her the shots. With the corner of his eye he caught a glimpse of Betty and Jughead eyeing them suspiciously, although the blonde sent him a mysterious, dare say approving smirk before returning to his son that made him realize that she knew more than she let on.

The thought that she might share whatever information she had with her boyfriend, though, made him break into a sweat. Jughead wouldn't be thrilled at the idea of him having any kind of romantic relationship with his girlfriend's mom, especially now that his own mother was about to come back.

And Alice being all flirty and seductive around him without a care in the world didn't exactly help matters.

FP shook his head. It wasn't her fault. She wouldn't have known. Besides, he would have done the same if...

If things were different. As they should be.

Alice carefully observed every single of his movements and almost frowned at his antics but decided not to react; instead she drank all of the shots he served her at once, hoping that they would help her relax and cope with his coldness. "FP..."

"What?", he groaned. He wasn't in the mood for conversation, no, he didn't want to be in this mood. 

Not with her. Not now.

"How are you? I mean, after everything that happened with Jughead...", she discreetly asked.

"I'm fine, Alice. Thanks for asking".

She nodded in silence, disappointment written all over her face. FP felt guilt as her realized that he took it too far with giving her the cold shoulder. "What about you? Heard about Hal...", he casually asked, relieved when he noticed the corners of her lips smiling.

"I'm getting through...", Alice replied, "although every passing moment I feel more and more stupid..."

"Don't blame yourself. You couldn't have known."

She looked deep into his eyes. "I was married to a monster, FP. I left everything behind for him, I left you, the Serpents...", her words were fading into a whisper. "I left our son..."

FP's hands closed into fists as he sighed, shutting his eyes to block her from his view. This wasn't the right place, nor the right time for this discussion.

As if it mattered now. Their son was dead and there's nothing he or she could do about it. It was too late. Bringing this up, pouring salt on their wounds would only hurt them more.

But Alice had other ideas. "Do you hate me?", her voice was barely audible.

FP stared at her for a few seconds before replying. "Maybe I should".

The indirect answer drove her insane. "Well, do you?", she demanded. She had to know. She needed to know.

He lowered his head. "No". How could he?

She let out a painful sigh. "You don't seem like it..."

He had to make things clear. "Look, Alice... this has nothing to do with... us, you know..." Having some sort of affair didn't sound quite nice so he decided to leave it vague. "You kept this a secret from me all those years, I had a son out there... and you didn't give me the chance to meet him. And now I'll never... He was my child, our child... Damn, you should have told me the truth... What were you thinking?", he yelled, causing a few heads to turn at his direction. "That I wouldn't want him? That I wouldn't have been able to raise him? But I know. Our baby was standing in the way of your white picket fence dream life with Hal..."

She couldn't blame him for being mad at her. She would hate herself too if she were him. She already did. "FP, I'm really sor-"

"Yes, I should hate you", he repeated. "I should despise you for hurting me like no one ever did, for not trusting me, for turning your back on me. Hell, I should even make you pay for this...", he whispered viciously, leaning closer to her, his emotions taking the best of him and speaking on his behalf, spitting all those truthful yet spiteful words, "...but I won't. I can't. And you know why".

Alice bit her lip at the confirmation. Of course she knew. She knew all about his true feelings for her, locked deeply within his heart, expressed only through his intense, passionate eyes that mirrored the fire in her own sapphire ones.

FP knew too. He still loved her. And that hurt him the most. 

He continued, though, moving away from her. "But if you think that I'm going to forgive you, you're in for a hard awakening...". He remembered her tearful confession, her guilt, her sadness. How he took her in his arms and held her tight to comfort her, how he soothingly told her that everything was ok, how in spite of his own suffering, he only cared about calming her down... "It's not ok, Alice", he exclaimed, contrary to what he said at the trailer the other day, "it'll never be. And I don't know if I'm capable of keeping even the slightest contact with you at this point."

Alice remained silent for a moment, unable to control the tears from forming at the corners of her eyes. "So what?", she finally said. "Are we going to avoid each other from now on? Pretend that nothing ever happened between us?"

"It's not like we haven't been doing that for the past 25 years", FP simply replied, sarcasm evident in his words.

"Is it that easy for you?"

Her complain broke his heart. No, it wasn't easy of him, it could never be and even the possibility of her not believing that hurt like hell.

His stubborn nature could never let him admit it, though. "As easy as it was for you when you left the Southside... when you left me for Hal."

A dirty hit, under the belt.

Alice raised her eyebrow, clearly surprised by his attitude. "I'll make it even easier then", she responded calmly. "I'm leaving. Tomorrow."

The man tried his best to appear uninterested but his curiosity was begging for answers. "Where to?"

"A farm, just outside Greendale. Polly invited me".

FP's jaw dropped at the realization. "That weird cult Betty told me about? I always knew you were an escapist, Alice, but never thought you'd go that far to forget about Hal."

Alice scoffed. "It's not Hal I'm running away from."

He noticed her intense stare. "Oh..."

"It's you", she vocalized what they both thought.

Right now she just didn't care. She wanted him to know the truth. After all, nothing would change her decision.

FP couldn't help but approach her again, the little smirk on his face striking her nerves. "Then why are you here?"

"To say goodbye."

"So do it", he challenged.

She glared at him. "I am."

He watched her as she reached for her purse to pay for her shots and raised his palm to stop her. "Drinks on me."

Always a gentleman. "Thank you", she politely said before leaving the speakeasy in a hurry, almost bumping into Hermione who immediately sensed the tension in the air and, paradoxically, decided not to intervene, sympathizing with her old friend's unresolved feelings as her eyes subconsciously scanned the room for her own ex lover.

Only after she exited the building for good Alice let herself cry away her disappointment and despair, leaning against the Chock' lit Shoppe's wall to prevent herself from collapsing. What was she thinking? She knew that their romance was doomed, yet she humiliated herself once again by seeking his affections. He had every right to reject her but deep down she hoped that he wouldn't. 

That he would forgive her. Maybe even come after her.

Heavy footsteps were heard behind her and Alice quickly recollected herself, regaining her composure as she wiped her tears away with the palms of her hands, just on time before the man in question appeared before her, grabbed her arm roughly and pinned her against the wall in one swift movement.

The familiarity of that position almost made her laugh, so typical of FP to establish his dominance over her, to make sure that she would actually listen to him.

To have the last word.

"You really think it's easy for me, Alice? After all these years, after everything we've been through, you really think it's easy for me?", he angrily asked her before she could even voice her complains.

The blonde smiled despite her inner turmoil. "What?". She knew. Oh yes, she knew. But she wanted to hear it from him.

"This!", FP screamed. "Us! Having to stay away from you. All those secrets and lies. The fact that I can't hate you... That I can't stop thinking of you after all this, despite all this... That I can't stop-", he sighed, shutting his mouth to prevent that slip. "And all you do is running away...", he added after a second.

"FP I'm not-"

He didn't let her explain herself. "I think we should never speak again unless it has to do with the kids. We must stay away from each other. Go to that damn farm and forget about us!"

Alice could see his frustration, his desperation, his pain on his face. She knew him so well and if there was one thing FP never managed to do was to fool her. Or control his emotions for that matter.

Sooner or later he always exploded.

Her stare slowly drifted from his eyes to his inviting lips, then again settled on his troubled orbs. "Deep down you don't want me to", she whispered ever so softly.

FP's gaze lowered to her own dark red lips. "No", he finally admitted, his voice matching hers. "I don't."

For a few seconds only the sound of their heavy breaths echoed into the night. FP didn't plan for this to happen, no, he knew how this was going to end. They were dangerously close, so close that the intoxicating scent of her vanilla perfume was making him dizzy, hypnotizing him, but, despite how badly he wanted to kiss her, touch her, feel her, he had to contain himself before he did something they would definitely regret later.

But he should have expected that Alice wasn't one to back down when she wanted something and she pressed her lips on his, tenderly enough to tempt him, hard enough to show him how madly, how passionately enamored she was still with him. FP couldn't resist anymore and responded immediately, yearning for her taste, his body seeking the familiar warmth of hers. He still couldn't believe that she was in his arms after so long and kissed her possessively, like a dying man, fully aware that this might never happen again. And the more she surrendered to his touches, to his hands caressing every inch of her skin, his teeth grazing her jaw, her neck, her collarbone, the more difficult it became to let her go. 

He shouldn't be doing this. He shouldn't have given in to her. But damn, his heart and instincts and body dictated his every move. He couldn't control it and he knew that she couldn't either, each of their kisses and breathless moans reflecting the violent, fatal desire they still held for one another.

The almost forgotten image of Gladys' melancholic amber eyes came into his mind, as if it were an old, cliché family photo taunting him to snap out of his trance and terminate the sinful attempt of an affair he deeply craved and he suddenly backed away, much to his partner's dismay.

"Alice...", he began apologizing when he noticed the stars in her beautiful azure orbs examining his own in pure bliss. And then it hit him. 

In his eyes she was searching for a reason to stay.

Her delicate hands were still tight around his neck, fidgeting with the collar of his black shirt, unwilling to let him go. "FP... I..."

He knew what she was going to say. But he couldn't let her. Even if it hurt so bad, even if he wanted to hear those three words more than anything in his life, he couldn't let her say them.

It wasn't right. 

"No, no, no... this is wrong... I'm sorry", he gently removed her hands from his body, "I'm still married, Alice. And Gladys...", he had to tell her the truth, "she's coming back..."

He watched Alice's expression change from surprised to disappointed to angry, all in a span of a few seconds, and immediately regretted coming to confront her in the first place. 

As if he didn't know how easily they both succumbed to their impulses and their lust for one another. 

Alice took a deep breath and regained her usual, cold Northside demeanor like nothing happened between them just moments ago. Like she wasn't just about to confess her love for him. "Perfect timing, then", she sarcastically remarked. "At least I won't have to meet her..."

Guilt overwhelmed FP. "Alice..."

"I don't think that there's nothing left to be said anymore. We're just repeating the same damn mistakes..."

Déjà vu. "Alice, I'm sor-". He tried to put his hands on her shoulders to comfort her, to not behave like an asshole like he usually did when he wanted to push her away. 

But she didn't let him touch her; instead she moved away from him, keeping a safe distance between them.

"You're right", she continued, recalling their previous conversation, "we must stay away from each other before we destroy whatever good is left from us..."

Her voice was breaking and she knew it, so she turned her back and began walking away before she burst into tears in front of him.

FP mentally cursed himself for that turn of events. "Wait!", he yelled as he ran towards her, making her face him, stopping when he saw the tears flowing from her eyes.

Alice crying was a sight that always tore his heart in two. Especially when he was the one responsible for this.

"What?", she screamed in fury, but her eyes bore the sadness of a lost child's.

He had to fight the urge to hug her, to gently kiss her tears and soothe her. "I... I just want you to know that I don't have a choice", he explained. "I left the Serpents along with everything that comes with them."

"Including me?", she whined.

"Especially you", he stated, every word being even harder to say out loud. "I really have to move on..."

She swallowed her pain. "I see...", she calmly said, even thought her tone was strangely edgy. "Well, I'm glad you're leaving your past habits behind, FP...", she faked a smile. "For now, at least. Because we both know the truth..."

FP felt his breath catch in his throat as she drew closer to him with a devilish sneer on her face, her lips almost touching his again, and closed his eyes when he heard her sugary, poisonous whisper...

"...snakes don't shed their skin so easily..."

She was a Serpent too. Of course she would bite back. But he couldn't miss the tragic irony of his own words echoing back to him, those words he so smugly used on their first encounter after so many years to remind her of her scandalous past and that, no matter what she did, she couldn't escape her true self and their memories...

And now she spat his own venom back at him, with the very same implications. Fair enough.

Alice backslid. He was proven right. So he had every reason to fear that she would be proven right, too, maybe even more so. Because if there was one thing that FP knew about himself was that he was prone to mistakes more than anything.

And she knew that too. 

When he opened his lids again, as if it were a nightmare, Alice was gone.

Every step she made felt even more numb as, for the first time in her life, she was consumed by the void of having no direction to head to, no light to be guided by, no hope, no sense, no purpose... She was consumed by the need to return to him, to apologize, confess her true feelings, say those damn three words and kiss him, love him, take him one last time, one last night...

One last hour that could even last forever.

But she had to go. To the farm, to a cult, anywhere but here. Her dignity and ego had suffered enough from his second rejection and just the mere thought of his wife coming back made her sick to her stomach.

As for him? Alice still hoped that he would come after her, even now that all signs showed the exact opposite. But a last glance over her shoulder back to his still as a statue form confirmed her fear and she looked away immediately, not to betray any regretful wish, any indication of longing...

Once again, he didn't try to stop her from walking away. Even though it was clear as crystal that he loved her too.

"Of course you wouldn't...", her inner seventeen-year-old self sadly muttered and she rushed towards the unknown, without looking back again.

Unbeknownst to her, the man she left behind was drowning in sorrow too as he watched the love of his life leaving again, slowly disappearing from his sight and becoming one with the darkness. His pride commanded him to let her go, to forget about her, to never think of her again but his heart, oh his heart was begging him to go find her, embrace her, hold her so tight in his arms so that she wouldn't be able to leave him.

And stay with her. Fight for her. Win her back. Tell her the truth. That, no matter what she did, he still loved her, he would always love her and he would always be there for her.

And, most importantly, that he would choose her over Gladys.

"Fuck it", he whispered, running towards the direction she went, ready to follow her into the wilderness of the night until he made sure that he would change her mind, when suddenly his phone beeped, loudly enough to distract him from his determined act.

He reluctantly reached into his pocket for his phone, his face turning into solid ice when he read the message from his estranged wife.

"We're arriving tomorrow at noon. It's time we became a family again"

This time it was the voice of his conscience that stopped FP at his tracks. Not his pride, not his reason. It was the light in the eyes of his son when he talked about his sister, the faint memory of Jellybean that remained intact within his mind from the day Gladys took her away and left him drown himself in the mess of his life, buried under hundreds of empty bottles and missed opportunities.

And, while the tears in his eyes rolled to burn his cheeks, uncontrollably mourning for the eternal loss of his smile, while his heart's beats became all the more silent, the desperate need for a strong drink and a smoke took all over his senses and his feet moved on their own accord back to the bar. Back to the safety of the crowd, even if he would feel more alone than ever.

One last time. One last glass of vodka. One last night that he would let his mind wander back to her, to the woman whom he always belonged to, to their last kisses, their last confessions, their last admissions. For tomorrow a new day would come and with it an arrival and a departure, a hurtful, ironic convergence.

Tomorrow his life would change for good. Maybe for the better, maybe for the worse. But as it should be.

And if he had to sacrifice his love for Alice Susanna Smith so that his family would be reunited, it was a price he couldn't avoid paying. They weren't meant to be together. It was impossible. And, after 25 years of living without her, FP Jones had finally learned that he couldn't fight fate.

He just had to live with it.

The sound of smooth jazz and the familiar taste of his beverage pacified his soul a little while his mind traveled out of the Lavish Serpent, to the other side of the town, where another tortured heart cried for her cruel destiny over a bottle of white wine, wishing for this damned night to end and with it, her feelings for the only man she ever loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! :)
> 
> I'm finally back with an one-shot, an idea of what could have happened between Alice and FP before her leaving for the farm since we didn't get to see a decent conversation between them after 2x19.
> 
> I hope you like it (despite its -expected- non happy ending)!
> 
> xxx
> 
> A. L.
> 
> (P.S. I haven't abandoned Second Chances, ch. 11 is under construction. I just had to go on a necessary hiatus :) )


End file.
